Psychedelic Trance, Downtempo, Progressive Trance | Reviews, News, Opinion and Comedy from Psyreviews.net

What’s right with it?
An actor turned director, it’s in black and white, subtitled, features lengthy sections in complete silence, is set in Europe, lends itself nicely to easy compliments such as “enigmatic” and “magical”, and is so unfathomable that you feel clever just for making it to the end. Hello? Can you say Academy Award?

What’s wrong with it?
Nothing. Honestly nothing at all. If you don’t understand this film you must be stupid. And you don’t want everyone to think you are stupid do you?

What’s right with it?
The Rock is convincing as intellectual superstud Jones and the final reel in which Digby returns home and struggles to gain acceptance for his new 9 year old former prostitute wife Mei-Lee is handled with the sensitivity and and creative flair of a director who understands kiddie love.

What’s wrong with it?
Brian Blessed’s performance as the 19 year old genetically engineered grandmaster is in turns high camp and Shatner-esque facial ticks.

What’s right with it?
By replacing gore, real life animal cruelty and “exploitation within exploitation” psuedo social commentary with a series of comedic sub-plots, a romantic homosexual back story and a cute Chinese boy with bricks for feet Bruckheimer has successfully managed to bring the most brutal of all movie genres to a multiplex audience.

What’s wrong with it?
CGI cannibals are at times unconvincing, and the scene in which Fitzenheid awakes half submerged in a huge cooking pot surrounded by carrots, onions and other vegetables is marred by an over-reliance on stock footage.

**update**

Well what do you know, I made up this film as a stupid joke to play around with the content and it turns out that it’s now a real movie – although this review has fuck all to do with that particular piece, at least I doubt it has because I’ve never seen it. Wouldn’t it be funny though if I’d got it spot on.